More Committee BS

"Are we a committee? Or is this just one person running the show?"

That's a paraphrase of a question raised at my last committee meeting. The question, which I was expecting, was raised immediately after I detailed to the committee, in as P.C. of a manner possible, that a key decision had been made for us by the higher-than-thous, and we would have to sit still and take it.

It was a good question.

How does one answer it, without throwing one side, or the other, under the figurative bus?

Quick answer: You can't. Heave away and hope it's a heavy bus.

The background:

[Committee] has worked steadfastly on planning multiple options for [Project]. All options have been completed, save for some minor tweaking, and are to be soon compared against each other, in the hopes that the best elements of all will be merged into what will become the course of action. Cool.

As the head of the committee, I keep all of these options stored in a location where only members of the committee have access.

[LittleBoss], who also happens to be my supervisor (and thus has access to the files), saw an opportunity to impress [BigBoss]. When [BigBoss] asked how the project was coming along, [LittleBoss] decided a game of show-and-tell was in order, despite the fact that none of these options were official, or complete, or available for anyone outside the committee to view!

So what happened? Take a guess.

[BigBoss] hated them all. [BigBoss] decided to merge the best aspects of all of the options, into one course of action. Sound familiar?

Naturally I freaked when I got wind of this. Remember, few have as much disdain for committee work as I. If these types of decisions are to be made for us, then why have the committee at all? What's the point of it? I have better things to do with my time.

With that in mind, I tore a strip off [LittleBoss], who has kept some distance since. Apparently they could hear me a floor above. Too bad [BigBoss] took the day off.

(As I've noted previously, you can't get fired in public service. Might as well take advantage of that to call out the boss every now and then.)

Back to the future:

In the committee meeting I had a decision to make. What do I tell them? Do I tell them we've been castrated, or do I pretend nothing happened, and bias the voting in favor of [BigBoss]?

I finally agreed with [LittleBoss] that it would be best if the committee did not lose faith in the administrative powers-that-be, and that a little white lie about the decision -- e.g. have our vote but strongly urge the decision that has already been made for us, without letting them know what took place -- would be the best approach to keep everyone happy.

Immediately following that discussion, I walked into my committee meeting and told them what had happened, in full detail.

Sorry, [LittleBoss], but I lost too much respect for your management style today to want to aid you sticking your nose any further up [BigBoss'] ass. You do that well enough on your own, as it is.

Of course, the natural result, from the committee, was The Question.

And I was honest. I have no answer for it. I don't know. All I could tell them was, you've all heard the stories by now of me screaming at [LittleBoss] for 15 minutes straight. I have yet to be disciplined for such an egregious act of insubordination, and you can bet that none is forthcoming.

Because I knew what [LittleBoss] was doing; stepping on the committee's purpose and autonomy in order to impress [BigBoss]. So [LittleBoss] brokered a deal with me to cover her motives. Too bad no deal was made about how long I'd keep my mouth shut.

Like I said, I won't get in any trouble for being honest. But I can guaran-damn-tee you, [LittleBoss] is going to think twice about ever fu**ing with anything I'm in charge of, ever again. This kid don't roll over that easy.

And people wonder why I hate committee work ...

... oy.

Random Philosophication

Like the great plagues of the early centuries, committees spread rapidly, mercilessly killing the productivity of all employees in their paths.

The Rule Of Order

Any idea why Robert's Rules Of Order were created, other than to drive those of us attending the meeting utterly insane?

And on a related note, why do people insist on following them as if they are The Penultimate Commandments handed down to The Great Administropoles by Moses himself?

Last I checked, God's last name wasn't Roberts ... the dude's God, what the hell does he need a last name for?

"How're you doing? I'm Gabriel, your new Messenger angel."

"Hey, what's up guy. My name's Jehovah. Jehovah Roberts."

Just doesn't quite work, does it?

Although I've got to admit, it would be pretty funky if ancient scriptures were to be recovered stating that God's actual name was something as innocuous as Mervin Watley. Then again, it would take away a fair bit of the mystique surrounding the religion, and let's face it, mystique and fear are really the only drawing power religion has anymore.

I mean, who's afraid of a dude named Merv, anyway? ***

In the meantime, I'm stuck listening to the proud Chair of [SomeRandomCommittee] prattle on about the proper process in which to conduct a meeting where very huge important decisions - with [Library's] ultimate success or peril at stake - will be made regarding whether procedures for roving reference should be revisited.

Are you there, Merv? It's me, G. Forget the lifeline; throw these people a life.

(*** with apologies - and sympathies - to any of the Merv Watley's out there.)

Committee x.x

Colours.

I've been talking about colours with the [Project x.x] committee for two months, now.

Two months!

We've been talking about colours for two months, we talked about colours yesterday, I'm sitting here talking about colours.

For two months' worth of project time, when there are several other factors necessary for [Project x.x] to be successful, with all manner of details yet to be visited, many more important than what the easy-to-change visual appeal of the final product will be, and yet, what are we talking about?

Colours, man. We're talking about colours.

And don't get me wrong. I think the colours are important, I honestly do. But we've got the entirety of [Project x.x] that needs our attention, also. Yet here we are.

Talking about colours.

Colours. For two months.

I'm amazed these people can even decide what to wear in the morning, let alone choose a simple trial colour scheme.

All this work to do, and what are we doing?

Colours, man. We're talking about colours.



*** With apologies to A.I. ... when he gets around to apologizing for the steamer he calls a rap album, that is.